It does not seem like, but I started this blog around 8 years ago.
I always wanted to create something professional, something fancy, big.
If you look at the state of this website it is clear that it did not happen.
There is a lot of reason.
For one, I always wanted this website to be perfect from the get go. I looked at the big players, and when I saw them, I was amused. As a result, whenever I made something, I compared to it, and I did not release it.
Even when I released it, I saw a lot of personal arrogance, faults in my nature, that was distorted by the dreams and expectations of myself. To be honest, most of the times what I wrote did not sound like me at all. I was even cocky sometimes. I tried to show a picture of something that even I did not know how should look like. And it came out really cringey.
Because of these issues, I got discouraged and I stopped.
But there is more reason to it. Personal development and lacking of maturity (regardless of my age) is one thing.
Another reason was that the content itself I tried to create. I wanted it to be focused on technology only, and be a niche, focused on programming.
Since then, a few years passed and I realized that the technology is changing constantly so much, that I hardly was able to create strictly in a niche category.
Also the jobs and project I work on was changing all the time, each of them using a different technology, different methods and ideas, views.
I was creating all kinds of apps from desktop, to cloud, java, php, dotnet, nodejs, sql, etc.
When I looked at what I was doing in real life, and compared it to other websites that was able to concentrate on for example only on CSS, or frontend, or architecture, I lost hope, since I could not create such a niche content in quality.
Another reason is that, each technology has its own documentation and community that creates content in a fabulous quality and quantity most of the time.
A third thought on that caused me to not working on the blog, is the expectation from myself, to make it a replacement for my day job. Not that I did not like, or do not like what I am doing, but giving too much energy to my inner maximalist, overwhelmed me so much, that I just gave up. I have to be honest, it did not feel nice.
I promised a lot of times, that I will create again, and I will start fresh. At the end I always ended up the same way and stopped.
I am not sure how this time it will turn out, but what is different now, is that I let those expectations go.
I do not care if I make money out of my website.
I will not care if my content is messy or not.
I do not care if I get the hero image wrong, or if my SEO strategy is off. (There is still a lot was going on I did not list above 😅)
What I care about is that I have a creative project that I hope will suffice my inner need to create something on my own.
I do not have a strategy in place, I do not have much expectations going on. I just hope that I will find the feeling that I am seeking, by writing and sharing publicly.
I also post this snippet with the ease of mind, that probably no one will read it, but if you do, welcome here, in my little corner of the internet where I share my messy mind and its thoughts 😊
